Equilibrium

 

Autumn.

Trees dance once again like clockwork green giants after a long,overdued summer.

News say possibly the hottest one ever.

But they say that every year,only to remind you things are getting worse.

 

But this summer, is my favorite one.

 

Youth and life haven’t given up on me just yet.

 

Summertime,booze and pot and rides on the sunset,chicks with hot bikinis and a new red hot chili peppers compact disk.

Nothing else i need.

Since i am certain you find none of these trully important about our current –hostage-kill or not kill- situation,let me make this simpler to you.

I still wear the mask and have some decisions to make,you know.

 

This summer i met “i”.

And i knew,for the very first time in my mediocre pity existence,i was in love.

I will always savour and never forget this day,even if i should.

 

It was one of those days when you unexplicably don’t give a damn about anything real and you surprise yourself,smiling and sweettalking to anyone.even your parents or the cops.

Sun was shining and living was easy back then.my beard was as high as heaven and yesterday’s boozenight with an old friend got me even better.

I had my job,my worries,myself mixed and all,but sometimes you see magic in your life.

And i saw ,her.

On a midnight train.like in the movies.

Asking me for a cigarette.like a real lady.

 

A true lifeframe.

I noticed her first.

She stared at me and then,as soon as i light a winston outside the train station,forcing the poor security guy to start calling me names,i saw a smile fading in her pale lips.

I felt happy.

Like never before.

Even better,or worse,i felt more things.

Weird.violated.warm.

But now i know it.

I felt alive for the first time.

“may i have a cigarette?”,she said.i adore her voice.her hands were covered by purple torn gloves.

All i could think was that i was going to touch her for a while.

Pervert,i thought with shame,lowered my head and acted geekishly.

“sure”.i tried to act cool,but i couldn’t.

Failure waved at me,like so many times before.

 

Her look promised me a thousand more though.

I got better.needed to.A man is a man and sometimes that’s about enough.

My heart turned herself into a volcano,right before a biblical explosion.

-whats your name?

-Lucie.

(my mind is running like an escaped convict.i seem helpless.)

Anxiety strikes.make the right choice.now.

Tell my name,ask her number,offer her a lighter and some sweettalks or ...?Or what?

(the dogs are coming.i don’t want them to catch me.i cant go back to prison.)

-quentin.

(explosion.my volkano heart explodes fear,sweat and barks from hungry dogs.i hear the painful melodies of love .i look like a -horror movie freak- now.im a dead man walking.so,it goes.)

 

An enormous second later,i see her smile again.

-really?That’s my dog’s name.

I love dogs.i want to open a pet shop.i wanna kiss saint bernard’s picture.i wanna have a tail.

I can feel blood running through my vains again.

God,if you are out there,please,oh please,let her smile and take da vinci’s smily crapwhore instead.because she’s more divine.

 Then,i hear myself turning into words his question of instant happiness.

 

-what?

She smiles.

Tells me it’s because of her favorite director.

Tells me i was funny before with the security guard.

Tells me a lot more than expected.

 

We talk.

A date is arranged.she tells me “goodbye” and  “see you tomorrow,q”.

 

Now i smile like never before.

Now i got a nickname and a date.so much more than usual.

The world seems a little bit more like heaven.

Life can be a tricky thing you know.love too.

Train takes me back home.my mind tells me to take it easy.relax.get ready for the future pains.

 

I turn on my old-fashioned walkman.

My ears are soon to be treated by a radiostation.I let luck decide.

Hasn’t failed me yet today,i think.

Has to do it now.

But i didn’t know love is magic.

Radioproducer’s mellow voice makes me realize it.

-“i wanna be your dog”is my  last choise,ladies and gentlemen.have a great night and remember:

Equilibrium is always one step away from madness.take good care of your selves and smile.it’s healthy.”

 

Trees dance like never before..